Who am I?

I’m going to be honest with you. I didn’t want to start a blog for a while. I thought that it was something too many people do and that it wouldn’t be unique enough. I decided I wanted to work on a book. Which I am doing, but it’s a work in progress. I walked into the library a couple weeks ago and I saw this book perched at the top of the stairs, practically calling to me: You Should Really Write a Book by Regina Brooks and Brenda Lane Richardson. I, of course, checked it out and took it home. At first I was discouraged upon reading it because of this quote from a memoir critic: “Memoirs have been disgorged by virtually everyone who has ever had cancer, been anorexic, battled depression, lost weight. By anyone who has ever taught an underprivileged child, adopted an underprivileged child or been an underprivileged child. By anyone who was raised in the ‘60s, ‘70s, or ‘80s, not to mention the ‘50s, ‘40s, or ‘30s. Owned a dog. Ran a marathon. Found religion. Held a job.” I was not raised in any one of those decades. I haven’t been underprivileged. I haven’t even had a real job. But when I read that word “anorexic” it was like a dagger in me because that is exactly what I wanted to write my memoir about.

After some time away from You Should Really Write a Book I decided to come back to it last night. I continued reading about how important it is to start a base for what you are writing about. Social media is an amazing platform for this. So here I am starting a blog.

I haven’t really told you much about myself yet. I guess that’s part of this whole blogging thing. I tell people who I am and what I think. I have a lot of thoughts in my head, but most of the time they stay there. I really should answer the important question Jean Valjean posed so you know more about me.

Who am I?

I am an 18-year-old, 17 days away from starting the next 4 years of her life. I am about to leave for college where I plan on majoring in women’s studies. This topic means a lot to me.  I will be leaving Illinois, where I have lived my whole life, heading to embark on new endeavors in the lovely state for lovers, Virginia. I am simultaneously scared and excited about college. I like school and learning. I’ve always been a good student. However, it makes me nervous that I will have to make all new friends and be away from my family.

I am a recovering anorexic. Most people don’t know that. It’s been tough. And I didn’t want to tell people when I started recovery in October of 2015. I thought they would judge me and think about me differently if they knew. I’m still afraid of that to be honest. But not talking about mental illnesses only perpetuates the stigma around them.

I am a cellist. Music is very important to me and I love it. Music is an important part of who I am (if you can’t tell by my musical allusions). Music has helped teach me about discipline, teamwork, and leadership. It also has shown me how important thinking and analyzing are in the development of humans’ understanding.

Now an even more important question to ponder is from Alexander Hamilton

If you stand for nothing, what will you fall for?

I stand for feminism because I believe in the equality of all people. I believe gender roles are wrong. I think the standards we hold men and women to are unfair. I want to change this.

I believe that our media has skewed our perception. We need to look at what we see with a critical eye. Or else we internalize the false images that we are bombarded with. From day 1 of our lives, girls are taught they need to be skinny and beautiful. That’s how people like me end up with eating disorders. I believe we need to fight back so healthy is the new skinny and so we can EnD ED.

I believe we should cut down on our time using electronics. I believe in handwritten thank you notes. I believe in smiling even when you are broken. I believe in treasuring what is around us, both the sun and the rain. I believe in the power of music. I believe in books. I believe in my love of giraffes. I believe life is a roller coaster of emotions. I believe God has a plan for me. I believe in the power of words. I believe in traveling and experiencing the world.

I believe in the power of this blog to heal, to share, and to inspire.

2 thoughts on “Who am I?”

  1. Finding your blog (via Instagram) was like a breath of fresh air. Last night I read all your posts and your thoughts are so close to the mine. Your writing is so nice that reading happens smoothly. The fact that you are a cellist further contributed to the feeling of closeness and admiration (I am a pianist/guitarist, but the cello has always been my favorite instrument and I hope to play it one day).

    I felt something reading your blog. I have been writing blogs for ten years now, but yours has brought me a craving to be honest and share my recovery. I am not weight restored yet and that’s always what prevents me to finally start writing about anorexia, but today I decided to take this step forward. There are not many blogs on recovery in my language, and I want to share my battles. Thank you for that.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much! This really means a lot to me. I’m new to blogging so hearing from someone who has been writing blogs for 10 years say I am dong a good job really helps me feel like I have a good start. I’m glad my story can help you work towards your own recovery. Please never lose hope that you can EnD your own ED!

      Like

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